Sports: Potentially one of the biggest buzzkills in relationships, coming in third only to in-laws and impotence. Girls can’t live with them, and men can’t live without them. Fellas, we ladies know you’ll never give your sports up; but if you’re going to have a ménage à trois with your girl and the football game, here are five things you need to know.
1. You’re not doing her a favor by inviting her along.
No, she doesn’t want to watch sports. And she certainly doesn’t want to watch you watch sports. She couldn’t care less about sports if her life depended on it. She wants to talk and share feelings and post cute pictures of the two of you on #Facebook.
But if she DOES tag along…
2. If she’s on fire, douse her in water.
What I’m saying is pay attention to her a little. She understands that you’re busy watching a stimulating and nail-biting game of golf; but it wouldn’t kill you to turn to her every now and then to let her know that you remember she’s still alive and–hey!–she kind of looks pretty today.
3. Get ready for the ballet, or yoga, or The Real Housewives.
Oh yes, there will be payback. She sat through an entire match between Floyd May-whatever-the-hell-his-name-is and the schmuck who lost to him. You can bet you’ll be holding her purse while she tries on clothes at Forever 21. Accept it.
4. You’re not attractive right now.
You know what I’m talking about. You’re yelling at the TV screen about some player she’s never heard of while you spit chip crumbs everywhere and chest-bump your equally unattractive friend. She won’t be fantasizing about this later tonight. It’s just not in our DNA, similar to how some of you hate too much make-up or leggings.
5. But she’ll be curious should you ever stop loving sports.
Girls claim they’re relieved when their man says he’s not into sports at all. It’s partly true; but it’s also…what the hell is wrong with you? Yes–as much as we complain about your obsession with sports, a part of us still finds it hot when you get angry because of the call the ref just made about the goal and the puck and the guy skating with the stick thing.
Gentlemen, remember: We love you. We need you. At the end of the day, if something is important to you, it’s important to us.
Enjoy your game. And when it’s done, we’ll be so excited to take selfies with you and talk about last night’s rerun of Gossip Girl.